“Rolling Stumped”

Yesterday, a Friday, I found myself with a day off from work and a beautiful day, about 86 degrees, sunny and not too humid. I got a bunch of music listening done in early afternoon and then felt a little burned out on the projects I’d been working on, so it looked like it was time to go out. The bar was dead at seven but also there were two shows happening I’d heard about, one of which was farther away from my apartment and which I was pretty sure was a cover band (they’d also invited me to like their Facebook page, which is a big pet peeve of mine [1]), so I’d all but decided against that particular one.

The other one was right in my neighborhood and landed right on my walk home from the college bar where I’d just drank a pregaming pitcher. The problem was, they MADE you wear black to this show. I’m not kidding. They actually made you wear black. When I’d passed it on my way to the college bar, actually, there was this dude standing outside smoking in this black Gibson t shirt looking most perturbed and troubled, glaring at me before stomping out his cigarette and jutting back into the establishment in a frenzied state. Walking back by the place I was like, what’s up with this, and all of a sudden there’s this like 50 year old dude in a black t shirt stomping toward the place and glaring at me.

It was like a comedic spectacle, this horrifically doomed event with this preposterous façade of mandated black t shirts (I forget what their reason was for this color coordination but I’m pretty sure they had one) only made worse by the fact that when I got closer I heard that there was some pretty boy emo-y douche bag singing “Beast of Burden” in a voice like Adam Levine [2].

Now, this wouldn’t bother me near as bad if I didn’t have to also work with people who profess a hatred of Rolling Stones, as if they literally have like a quota of hated things they have to meet. You cannot be a fan of rock and roll music and not like The Rolling Stones. It’s completely asinine. It’s like asking for a spa and big screen TV in your house when the foundation is missing. The Rolling Stones are the foundation of rock music and every band that doesn’t suck since the 1960s has drawn influence from them and has been inspired by the music.

I mean, all black t shirts. Come on. I was definitely hoping for, expecting, some A Place to Bury Strangers covers or some noise act like that to really pierce some ears. Just kidding. But Christ, some METAL, even if it is some frat boys playing “Meatplow” by the Stone Temple Pilots, that certainly would have been a little more conducive to the all black. I ended up at the sleazy bar where the bartender’s face looks like the Allman Brothers song “Little Martha” to me and thought he**, this is about as close as I’m going to get to “music” tonight.


[1] It’s like I kinda figured you wouldn’t like chainsaw my hand off for “liking” your page, but thanks anyway for the reiteration, I guess.


[2] By the way I don’t mean to knock on Maroon 5 here… his voice actually fits their musical interface pretty well in my opinion and I don’t necessarily dislike them.


43 thoughts on ““Rolling Stumped”

Leave a Comment