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“I Dreamed up Some Funny Scenes for the Seinfeld Movie”

Ya da ya da ya da, I was sitting up drinking some beers early this morning ’cause I couldn’t get to sleep and someone shared the trailer for next year’s Seinfeld: the Movie to my No Seinfeld Group for You I follow. Suffice it to say that it looked about as funny as, well, Friends. That is to say, not Seinfeld. It looked about as creative as its title itself.

I found myself a second ago having one of those experiences like I did when I saw the previews to Freddie Got Fingered in the middle of the night, of wondering whether what I’d were a dream or real.

Well, eventually I nodded off a couple hours ago and boy did I dream up some weird stuff when I did. One of the scenes had some friend of George, just as fat, about the same height, walking into Jerry’s apartment where I think George’s dad was living for a second. Anyway, for some reason there’s an elevator that opens straight into Jerry’s living room this George’s friend, sort of set up like an alter-ego to the old character in a way, steps out of it covered in honey, Cajun seasoning and salt and pepper, like he thinks he’s a turkey about to be cooked on Thanksgiving (admittedly there was one episode where Kramer got “baked,” meaning sunburnt, and Newman mistook him for a turkey). But the real weird part of this dream was, this George’s friend, this alter-ego, had this hilariously stoic, almost psychotic look on his face, as if all he WANTED in life was to be baked like a turkey, and like he was so sure that not only was this a mission he had to accomplish, but it stood no chance of not being done. I saw him just walk slowly, like an execution victim going to the gallows, staring straight at someone in rapt ardor, the person who was supposed to cook him, which I think was Jerry.

The next scene I dreamed up was George and his dad sitting around in Jerry’s apartment, talking. George looked about the same as he did in the ’90s, but was in a sour state of mind for some reason and said something like “We’re toward the end of life, you and I, dad.” The dad retorted most loudly back at this that “That’s you! You’re the one who’s toward the end of life! That’s the kind of person you are!” Well, as you can see I’m a huge Seinfeld fan and really don’t want them to lay an egg with this movie, but I wish they’d at least come up with a title that had a little more flair, and even again some new characters would have been good, would have bespoken a little more inspiration, and not just bringing back all the old girlfriends, or whatever it is they’re planning on doing.

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