Starting around Christmas and leading up until a couple of days ago, I was unemployed, languishing around my apartment, many a day, with nothing but my thoughts. As a result, I started to gather certain sort of lofty, idealistic ideas of what to do with my life, one of which was being one of the writers at SNL. Finally, I decided (along with probably having next to no chance to actually do it, given their amount of interested candidates), that the comedy bit would wear thin after a while — it’s good to laugh sometimes but I also like, in other phases, to get serious, recalibrate and take stock of the world around me and who I am. In fact, this very “malady” is what’s driven me away from a lot of careers, already, I think — I’m naturally the balanced type, rather than the workaholic type. I tend to be the type that has time, to whom you can come with your problems, just by instinct, as it were.
Anyway, enough emotional hoopla. Here are a couple skit ideas I had.
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* One time in Denver the record store clerk made the remark that “Technically a cashew is a fruit,” hence giving me the idea for a skit where there’s some know-it-all saying a bunch of outlandish stuff like “Technically an avocado is a reptile”; and “Technically a Ford Explorer is an amphibian.”
* In another skit, a family could be witnessed grieving over their son’s apparent depression, what with him spending an inordinate amount of time in his room, then shocked to go in there and find that, rather than languishing and mourning his mental state and situation in life, he’s simply been practicing his Ace Ventura faces the whole time.
* In another skit, a dude thinks he’ll become cool by saying the phrase “Wamp, wamp” over and over.
* In another skit, a dude gets caught picking his nose at a get-together, after which he says a bunch of semi-hostile things to the overall gang, like, “So, you people who don’t pick your nose, do you just have like a lifetime supply of boogers in there?”; and, “So, you people who don’t pick your nose, I bet you always have your taxes done by January 2, don’t you?”
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