Well, first of all, take a deep breath. It’s gonna be a while. Grab a Snickers. If you need to go outside and smoke, or go to the BMV and get a new driver’s license, this would be a good time to do it.
Remember that this isn’t commensurate to TOOL’s catalogue as a whole. There was once a time when the band delivered IDEAS, delivered memorable riffs, noxious energy, uncomfortable energy, energy that was anything other than a heart attack victim’s flat-line heart monitor on a hospital bed.
“Rosetta Stoned”; the track which, from the sound of it, TOOL is attempting to emulate all over this entire album (while coming with a moribund level of ideas and purpose, of course), arrived at a terrific, triumphant climax, about nine minutes in, with Maynard James Keenan barking out, in apocalyptic fury, “Overwhelmed as one would be / Placed in my position / Such a heavy burden now / To be the one”. While also lacking the unique meter explorations such as the five/four segments of “Rosetta Stoned”; anyway, by contrast, the tracks on Fear Inoculum get to the nine minute mark or so and just kind of vegetate, secreting these flaccid, meaningless minor chords and fake-baroque percussion, like a cheap imitation of themselves. (Sh**, by contrast, Nine Inch Nails’ ultra-uncomfortable “March of the Pigs” even sounds desirable, in that they’re not just issue these selfsame, half-conscious minor chords for all of eternity that are supposed to have fresh meaning but really just mimic 20-or-so other wannabe-epic songs in the band’s history.)
On Fear Inoculum, it’s clear, along with that lazy, arcane title that seems to absurdly try to proffer that fear is governing our culture these days, that the band are going for the “epic” technique — songs that are anatomically vast, and that attempt to offer different “phases,” like metamorphoses, thereby defying convention. But the attempted “epic” has become the convention here — their cheap strategy is so obvious, and devoid of purpose and artistic direction, that the superiority of their verse/chorus numbers like “Forty Six & 2”; “The Pot” and “Swamp Song”; to name a few, is absolutely adamant. The band fooled around with epic on Lateralus but that album was anchored by “Schism” — a track that was tense, uncomfortable, bizarre and memorable, all opposite to what the boring, toothless beast that is Fear Inoculum represents.
What’s so troubling to me about Fear Inoculum, anyway, is to see all these “sheep” TOOL fans lap it up as if it’s so full of meaningful music. These songs aren’t even memorable enough to qualify as a successful jam session, let alone the haunting narratives and crushing riffs of “Eulogy”; “Sober”; “Jambi” and all the other moments when this band was at their best. I mean, there’s still enough of this former material to qualify these guys as a great band. Well, anyway, now they know what they can get away with in the scope of their adoring fans: anything.
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