Who is the Eagles song “Those Shoes” about? That girl in the Progressive commercial, without any question, with that insurance agent taking advantage of her, mooching a ride, eating barbecue wings in the car and picking up all that crappy firewood and putting it in the back, all before the girl realizes that there’s a phone app that can circumvent annoying insurance agents. It’s that face — she’s got a face that speaks without her mouth moving. It’s a face that engulfs and envelops onlookers and she just looks like the arbiter of a warm, true heart that’s been dropped on this callous planet without method, to be taken advantage of by loud, oppressive insurance agents that want to violate her space. Of course, she makes quick work of the agent, kicking him out of the car. You don’t see her actually sending him out, just like with that agent dude in the State Farm bits who competed against Aaron Rodgers’ football “agents.” We can assume, though, that this act of kicking someone out of your car materializes as something similar to an episode of slowing down to a stop and yelling “Get out!” That scene in Trees Lounge with Steve Buscemi acts a a nice rubric for this art. The director for Cujo inserted a rape scene halfway through that movie which already featured like four or five gruesome fatalities involving a rabid St. Bernard that had gotten bit by a bat. Where am I going with all this? Oh, He**, I don’t know, but it hurts a little to know I like the Eagles and it hurts a little as a Midwesterner to know they wrote a song that’s kind of a ripoff of Ted Nugent’s “Stranglehold” but vastly exceeds it in poignancy and excitement and it hurts a little to see that girl’s face and think of her growing up. But He**, she’s inviting it on herself. So maybe there’s a little bit of joy in it, or maybe it hurts for men to realize that it’s women who have a lot of the power, who can send such a seismic, reverberating message just by putting on a pair of shoes.