“Warm for a Witch Trial, Enit?”


“Everything that happens in life is intrinsically like the person to whom it happens”

– Point Counterpoint, Aldous Huxley

Why do I feel like the ground is toppling out from under me? And why do I feel like there’s a motive for such a thing?

Ok, I admit that I have started and stopped this post a million times. I’ve sat at home, forgoing movies as we know them, trying to get a breath of fresh culture or air. I’ve fished for logical fallacies when there weren’t any (ahem, there were some). And I’ve gone to bat for Marilyn Manson, erroneously enough. 

But today I’m here to write for my boy Ryan Adams. I miss him. I miss my boy Ryan Adams and what did he do like breathe on a 15-year-old girl and get dropped from his label. Do you like apples? You stand zero chance of measuring to one 10th of “Gonna Make You Love Me More” in life. How you like them apples?

I was actually getting on kind of a Ryan Adams kick in 2019 listening to mad Whisketown (his band right before his solo stuff) and then this “Me Too” stuff happened and it seems like Ryan Adams kind of fell off the face of the earth along with Al Franken and Kevin Spacey (they’re both Democrats.. you’re kidding me!) Actually, there’s this girl I like at work… she’s got this slow style that’s awkward and it’s not only not a drawback but it’s a feather in a cap, like I want to associate with her to know what she’s thinking. And I had mulled over this Ryan Adams song “Gonna Make You Love Me More” like a million times and was sure it only applied to me when I realized haplessly that, while usually tacit, by opening her mouth this girl could completely sieze the upper hand on me with little nothings like “My husband does electrical work” or “Why are the gods expanding my head again on this hot and muggy day?” I think of Ryan Adams and feel anxiety which is how I know that motherfu**er is real because I know now I’m below the paradigm and I’ve seen it from both sides and honest to God I always liked “Answering Bell” and you’ll never believe but I don’t want my $11 back just Ryan Adams. No 15-year-old girls were harmed in the construction of this post (or breathed on). 

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