“’90s Music Geeks Warm up to Vinyl and Make a Totally ‘Rad’ Ultimate Collection on it”

“Hey, Len. We’re collected here today to put together the first ever ‘90s vinyl best-of sampler.”
“How the he** do you sample on a vinyl? You can’t even switch tracks.”
“With a lot of coolness.”
“And hipness.”
“Wow. Sounds great.”
“Ok. Let’s see what songs were good in the ‘90s. I have this Forever ‘90s collection pulled up right here. Ok. Paula Abdul. (Smack!) Hey, golf cleats are for golfing with, not hurrrting people!”
“We talked about this the other day. The best song of the ‘90s is ‘Jenny Says’ by Cowboy Mouth.”
“Ok. I’ll have to write that down. ‘Jane Says.’”
“No, Matt. It’s ‘JENNY Says.’ What are you gonna put it on?”
“I’ve got the black vinyls in my closet… now I just have to procure all the master recordings from the record companies.”
“Right. That might help.”
Len walked into Matt’s closet to check out a couple of the blank records. He brought a couple out and their friend Toni walked in, perplexed.
“What are those things? Saucer sleds?”
“No, they’re vinyl records. Matt’s making this comprehensive ‘90s mix.”
“Oh,” she answered, sitting down and lighting a smoke.
“He’s working right now on procuring all the master recordings from the respective record companies. So far we’ve got them from Atlantic and Island, but that’s it.”
“Are you usin’ your Mom’s credit card again?”
“Will you order me a pizza while you’re at it?”
“Deez nuts.”
“Now, you two.”
“She started it.”
“I start everything. I’m special.”
Toni stared down at her cigarette. This is what the smoke rings spelled out:
Side one
1 Better than Ezra – “Good”
2 Pearl Jam – “Dissident”
3 Nirvana – “Lithium”
4 The Proclaimers – “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”
5 The Breeders – “Cannonball”
Side two
6 Butthole Surfers – “Pepper”
7 Our Lady Peace – “Clumsy”
8 Smashing Pumpkins – “Today”
9 Sonic Youth – “Unwind”
Side three
10 Belly – “Feed the Tree”
11 Morrissey – “The More You Ignore Me, the Closer I Get”
12 Throwing Muses – “Hazing”
13 Pavement – “Loretta’s Scars”
14 Alice in Chains – “Man in the Box”
Side four
15 Beck – “Jack-A**”
16 Soundgarden – “Burden in My Hand”
17 The Verve Pipe – “Villains”
18 Radiohead – “Fake Plastic Trees”
“There,” remarked Matt, basking before the glow of his final, semi-legally-acquired creation. “It’s got a fu**-ton of different sides. Just like a rubric’s cube. And just as hard to figure out, to boot.”
“Hey a**hole, you forgot ‘Jenny Says’ again.”
“Didn’t everybody?”


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