“Eve 6 is My Favorite Band Now? Eh, Things Could Be Worse”

* I’d like to preface this bratty blurb with the key anecdote that they end the song “Rescue” on the dominant chord, and not the tonic chord.


The crystals arrange themselves on your mind like as if they were moving with intelligent control the whole time, culminating in riffage and lights to coax anything and all. This is rock and roll splendour — this is the best music of our lives, when nothing else matters.
All this, and Green Day almost didn’t get signed, Goo Goo Dolls almost didn’t get signed. [1] Kill Your Friends almost got written. [2] Oh wait, it did get written. What to say? That’s when you put the headphones on, like in Almost Famous (pretending of course that that movie weren’t a chick flick).
And then yeah, this post is about Eve. And then yeah, we’re having this ‘90s craze right now, although not enough of one, in my opinion. I heard Third Eye Blind’s “How’s it Going to Be” in a bar a month ago and I think my blood pressure dropped about 20 points.
So how do you go about naming Eve 6 as your favorite band on the planet. And do you have to go and like register as a sex offender, right when you do it? Hey, at least I registered! See how responsible I am.
Eve 6 came around when, well, I was already bombarded by insanely great music all the time, a time (1997) when Pearl Jam was woofering and tweetering the otherworldly fifth album Yield, for which Led Zeppelin would successfully sue them (for the precise reason that it was great as fu**)… Zeppelin. The only reason you’d listen to them is if you were like a pedophile of 14 year old girls. Or if you really like the song “Thank You.” Fu**.
God damn I’m glad I never had to know who the hell Jessica Rabbit is. That sounds like about 1,400 boring hours with your mom watching like Alice in Wonderland, basically the most acutely emasculating experience next to being married to Courtney Love, [3] something that Max Phillips apparently underwent. [4]
And then, we all know how the song ends. Is that what makes it remarkable? Eh, Max Phillips has always been the mac. Even on “Inside out.” I can barely look at his face without grimacing and scowling. Other key tracks by Eve 6: “Showerhead,” “Open Road Song,” “Jesus Nite Lite,” “There’s a Face,” “Small Town Trap.”
[1] Per the handydandy Green Day documentary film Heart Like a Hand Grenade, producer/A&R Rob Cavallo.
[2] Just as looking at the sun, a necessary light and heat source, for too long, will furnish discomfort, reading this book for too long, like say 60 pages, makes your grossed out enough to want to shower.
[3] God I’m witty.
[4] In “Rescue,” the good-enough-to-be-a-single opener on their underrated sophomore slab Horrorscope, the Eve 6 singer references that.

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